I have a friend who amazes me
I will call her McKinley
McKinley is a name I always wanted to name a little girl
And I didn't name my girl McKinley because I felt like it was not her name
McKinley is also the name of a really popular mountain in Alaska
You can go here to see a gorgeous picture of the Mountain
Anyways, back to McKinley
She has her own journey she has been on
I don't want to tell too much of her journey because that is her's, but I asked for her permission to post about a conversation we had in October
She gave her permission, and I am grateful
That conversation changed the way I looked at my weight and the way I viewed somethings in life
I will forever be grateful for her taking the time to talk to me and give me a boost that I needed
When I am struggling mentally, I think of our talk and it can help me change how I am thinking of myself
McKinley lost a LOT of weight
I knew her when she was at her heaviest
I was a teenager and didn't have the full weight struggle then that I do now, so I didn't understand why someone would be overweight, thinking it was just a choice someone was making to be overweight
I know, I was an ignorant teenager
She has an amazing smile, one which would help anyone feel comfortable around her, like she was their mother
She has the kindest most giving heart
But her eyes had sadness in them
I didn't understand why someone so beautiful had such a sadness in her eyes
It was a sadness that would make someone want to reach out and hug them until they knew how important they are
But I never did that
And I never took the time to understand why she was overweight
I regret that
Fast forward 15 or so years later
I knew she would be coming down to my community and I asked if we could have a visit
She said yes and for that, I will be forever grateful
I knew I could talk to her about anything, not just the weight related
I began to open up about the pain of being over weight and the struggle to lose it
I had been "trying" for 2 months to lose weight
And had wanted to lose weight for 10 years
But never really had met someone who had WANTED to lose weight AND done it
She didn't just lose weight, she changed her life
I think my talk with her was the first time I understood the sadness in my eyes
It was wonderful to talk with her, hear of her success
Hear of her struggles along the way
That it was not always as easy as we may have perceived it
I would see her many facebook posts of her talking about what she did for a workout
She would talk about healthy food choices
She would encourage others in healthy lifestyle choices
And then we talked
We talked about how confident she looks, the happiness she has about her
Not just in her smile or the way she greets you
The happiness in her eyes
It was something that I had not seen when I was a teenager growing up
We talked about how with her losing weight she IS more confident, she IS happier
Then she said something to me that changed the way I thought of everything
She said "I wonder if people could see how important they were are when they are overweight, if it would change the way they carried them self and their happiness"
She wondered if she knew that and realized it before she lost her weight if it would have changed her before she lost the weight
Made me think
I came home and thought about that for a long time
For me, since I have been overweight, I have not felt like I have the right to be confident
I didn't feel like I had the right to be happy because I was not happy with the way I looked
"I am fat, I have earned my misery" is what I would think to myself
So I would try walking with confidence and happiness when no one was looking
It was odd
Then I would try it again
And it would feel slightly less odd
And I still keep trying
The part that really struck me from what she said though was "I wonder if people could see how important they are"
Sometimes, when you feel like you are at the bottom of the barrel, you feel like you have zero importance
The funny looks from people when you struggle with doing simple tasks, the comments of "Well, if you would just lose weight", the fact that you cannot get to the top of the stairs without being out of breath, Struggling to keep your kids on your lap because you have a fat roll on your stomach that gets in the way.
Those all don't do anything that boost your confidence and help crush any little bit of confidence that you do have.
I often think of mountains
I love the mountains and how none are the same
Each have their own paths where there are waterfalls and some have walking trails
Some have steep climbs, others are more of a slow slope
Sometimes you have a flat path that you can walk on for a time being but other times, you have no choice but to go up or head back down
Sometimes the route has to change in order to make it to the peak but as long as you are still moving, you are still making progress
There is something pretty satisfying about making it to your goal in a mountain climb (more another time)
And at the end of your climb, you have a confidence in being able to do something you have not done before
So carry yourself that little bit taller
Put a smile on your face and be happy
You are worth it
Happiness and confidence are not based on the number you see on the scale
It is something that comes from inside you and who you are
Don't give anyone that power to take it away from you
It is yours
Own it!
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