219.7

I do not know what some people think of that number

I hated it

It was the heaviest I got

Some people have said "Oh it's not that bad"

When you are 5 foot nothing, it's not good

The scale was not my friend for a long time

To be honest, I expected to lose a lot of weight when I quit drinking diet coke

I didn't and that bugged me

I guess I was looking for the easy way to lose weight

No dice

I thought I would lose weight when I quit eating deep fried foods

I mean I was changing my diet again for the better and there was a bit of a change

I still was not DOING what I needed to be doing

I should have been eating more veggies

I should have been drinking more water

I should have been paying attention to portion sizes

In December I started having issues with maybe kidney stones, something like that, not sure really

The Doc sent me to get a ultrasound of my kidneys

I got a pretty big wake up call when I found out I have Fatty Liver Disease

I was most definitely NOT thinking of that

In fact, I had never heard of it before

I was about a week away from going to Alaska before I found out and since I knew I would have a lot of time on my hands, I planned to do a bunch of research

It have to take care of myself if I want to live

I have to take care of this liver of mine

I have a fatty liver because I am fat

I am mal-nourished and my body needs nourishment

We all KNOW these things but when you are trying to fill that void, you don't care what your body "needs

You do what you want

All of a sudden, I felt a strong sense of needing to take care of myself and this liver of mine

And my mental health

Because when I take care of one, I am taking care of the other

I hope to never see 219.7 on the scale

It will take hard work

It will take dedication

It will take working out in the gym

It will take putting down the food that I so want but know is not going to nourish me

I can do it

coming to peace with changes

On my other blog, I write about my love of deep fried foods
You can read about it here

I knew something needed to change but was unsure about wanting to give it up
I made the choice at the end of our holidays (perfect timing!) to give it up for a while
That was hard
I know to some people it may seem stupid but when something gives you comfort, you are drawn to it
You want it, crave it, feel the need to be filled
Not just physically, because that was an OVERFILL
Mentally and emotionally fill what was so empty in my life

I never really realized how hard it would be to give it up
Recently I was in Alaska visiting family
I made up my mind that I would not eat it for a year
That means nada for deep fried food for 1 year
When I said it it almost scared me
Who the heck was this person who would say that
Surely not I
But yes it was

And then I decided that before I did have anything deep fried, I want to figure out my relationship with foods that are deep fried
I know, it sounds nuts
But my relationship before was one where I was trying to fill a void
And was going to kill myself slowly with the way I was eating
And that void was n.e.v.e.r being filled
(personally I am just hoping that by the time a year is up that I get sick when I think of french fries!)

You can do whatever you need to to change eating habits
It WILL be hard
But YOU are worth it

So I wanted to start this blog in 2010

My weight climbed from there

And showed no signs of stopping

I really wanted to lose weight

Just really didn't know HOW to and was scared to ask

Why scared

I don't know, maybe pride

Losing weight is scary

My over eating reasons are scary

But changes had to be made

So they were, one small step at a time

That's all you can do

Changes were being made before I realized that I HAD to make them

In August 2010 I made some flippant remark on my Facebook about loving diet coke

My cousin challenged me to give it up 

She said she would give up ice cream until Christmas too

Give it up until Christmas

NO WAY

Then I thought about it and thought, "I can do it in a month"

So I started weaning myself from diet coke

That may sound pitiful but it NEEDED to happen

When you drink 6-8 cans a day of it, I felt I needed to wean myself

I was rarely drinking water

Sept 15th, 2010 was the last day I drank any diet coke

By that time I was down to 3 diet coke a day and 3 glasses of  milk then water

Oh my goodness, the headaches were ATROCIOUS

It was like that for about a week

Whenever I thought about going back to it, I thought of the headaches and it was easy to not drink it

I went until Christmas and then kept pushing myself

"Just a little bit further" I would tell myself.

Now it has been almost 18 months

Giving up that one thing that was "so important to me" taught myself I can do things I never thought I could

I never thought I could do it but for me, it has worked